A Break Through
Natalie M Beckman

A Break Through

This reflection that’s looking back at me is not the same reflection it uses to be. I observe this horrible purple color around my closed right eye. As I taste the salt in the blood when I sallow coming from my lips and gums. Starring long and hard in this mirror I started to reminisce back then when I was a little girl standing in the mirror with my mother behind me showing me how pretty I am. I try to crack a smile but the skin on my face is already stretched from the swelling. As I stand here in the bathroom with my hands resting on the sink just looking as if I was glued to the mirror. I guess you can say sock is the word I’m looking for. While thinking to myself oh my god how did it come to this? Where is that little girl who uses to look back at me in the mirror? Please tell me she is not gone, please tell me she still existed and where can I find her. Is the feeling I am having right along with unanswered question running through my brain. Hopeless and shamed a place I shouldn’t be but some where my life has taken a trip there with me not knowing how I got there and long I’ve been there. Desperately needing to be set free from the abuse I been experiencing but not knowing where to start is not going to be my excuse for not wanting a better life. Because this life is not the life I use to live. This is not the love I experience from heaven above. I am badly looking for an escape route so I can be set free from this dangerous relationship. Before someone end up dead and it will not be me. The only thing that’s keeping me surviving is my faith. A soft whisper in my spirit is telling me to pray. But the doubt of the way my life is looking like. Fights against what my spirit is telling me to do. I started saying repeatedly lord Jesus please takes this pain away from me. Please show me you are still here with me and you never left my side. I really need to hear from you, I know my life may seem loud right now, but I am still listening. I can’t do this by myself the battle I’m fighting is not mine. I give this problem to you lord only you can make this right. Strengthen me in the area as I need it give me the courage to pack up and leave cleanse my soul so I would be able to forgive. Make me over to be the child you created me to be. As my tears started to fade away, I wipe the snot from my nose. And I saw that little girl looking back at me smiling saying everything is going to be just fine. Then reality hits me I came out of my daze like the characters do in the movies. I ran quickly out of the bathroom without a single thought on my mind. I knew I just needed to go it didn’t matter where I was headed or what I needed to get there. This is the only chance a must break free from this hell whole lifestyle. So, I got my keys didn’t pack anything because there was no time to pack. My abuser will be back soon I got in my car and drove as fast as I could looking at what use to be my life in my rear-view mirror.

Published by Natalie Beckman

Big heart warm caring person but at times I seem to forget about me as I share me loving energy with the rest of the world. But through all the mistakes I made I realized it was those mistakes who made me the person I am today

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